Great Escape Publishing

Posted June 23rd, 2014 by Jennifer Stevens & filed under Travel Writing.

When you tell a travel story, you want your opinions and recommendations to shine through. You want your piece to feel authentic and personal. But you don’t want to be a distraction to the reader. It’s important that you sashay out of the way so the reader can see what you’re seeing… without being overly distracted by, well, “you.” Think about it this way: If you were at a parade and the tall guy with the big head in front of you decided to offer color commentary about what was going by instead of simply moving two steps to the left, so you could see it for yourself, you’d be annoyed, right? When you’re too much in your travel story, you’re that guy. Let me show you what I mean. Here’s the opening paragraph from a story about an RV camping trip to a state park near Spencer, Tennessee… “I was up at 6:00 and on the trail by 6:30, camera in hand. I like the quiet of early morning hikes. The trail was deserted, but not quiet—I could hear the powerful rush of water cascading over ancient boulders more than a quarter of a mile away. I was on the wooded Campground Trail to the Cane Creek Cascades and Falls…but I am getting ahead of myself.” I count five “I’s” in three sentences. It’s a lot of author. Here’s my edited version which shows you how to avoid using “I” in writing: On the trail at 6:30, camera in hand, I headed out to take a quiet, early morning hike. The trail however, though deserted, proved far from silent. From more than a quarter mile away, the powerful rush of water cascading over ancient boulders carried in the still morning air. I headed toward it on the wooded Campground Trail to the Cane Creek Cascades and Falls…but I am getting ahead of myself. Point is: You can tell your story more concisely and effectively when you cut back on the “I’s” and the “we’s.” You just don’t need as many of them as you probably think. Recast sentences to take yourself out, and your reader will begin to see what you saw… without your big head in the way. Share on Facebook